I’d like to say Ril’s line is not inspired by a line from Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park about a big pile of dung. But I might be lying.
I’ll admit this scene feels a little abrupt, coming right after the previous one with Roka in the bar. That ended with him sitting alone and feeling bad for himself, so it feels like that emotion should’ve been allowed to sit for a little longer before we checked in with him again. Instead, we immediately cut to the next scene with Roka in a different location and head space. Ideally, it would’ve been nice to cut to some other scene instead (like a Rogues scene), so the two Roka scenes weren’t so consecutive, but this chapter was already running long, so I didn’t want to introduce another scene just to fulfill that purpose.
A scene between would have been nice. Some segue for Roka leaving, moping through town, arriving at this clusterfrak. I had to go back a page because I was sure I missed something somehow. Even just some sort of graphical/lettering to denote a passage of time or place.
Running long or not, it feels like there is an entire missing page.
I personally wouldn’t go so far as to say it feels like we’re missing a page, but I think the abruptness comes a bit more from the lack of acknowledgement that the previous scene happened?
Like, we saw at least Aziri knows who Ril is, and it looked like that offer to hang out was extended to him, as well as Roka, but he didn’t show up, nor was he asked about, thus implying he’d turned the offer down, but he’d still know where Roka had been for the previous emotional scene, even if he wasn’t there it witness it in person.
So his next appearance just having him only go “Yep. Lots of trash.” without any sort of little acknowledgement of that is what feels jarring with the transition to me?
If I were asked to suggest a possible solution, I’d probably have some transitional, disembodies text bubbles from Ril along the lines of “Jeeze, took you long enough.” “Yeah, so, your ‘cargo’ got dropped off a -[A bit? A minute? An Hour? if you wanna suggest an actual amount of time that took place between, scenes insert it here]- ago…” “…That there is a whole lotta trash.”
But that’s just my personal two cents on the situation/possible solution *Shrugs*
Agree with both of you! And Spyroid, looking at it again, I had actually come to the same conclusion as you before I even got to your comment. So that was a fun read.
I do think the scene transition works in that Arkuron says, “Your scrap is waiting for you,” which then leads to the big pile. But the lack of acknowledgement of the previous scene is what’s off. I was thinking of having Ril ask, “How was it?” and just getting a very short, “Fine” from Roka. Or something to that extent. I could even have Ril’s line in a box under Roka in the last panel of the previous page, to clue readers in that that scene is over and we are moving on to the next.
It also occurs to me that in panel 3 of this page, Roka looks like he’s smiling. That also feels wrong, so I’ll be changing that so his headspace better reflects where he’s at.
So I think when the printed version comes out, this page will be a tiny bit different. Along those lines, I keep waffling about whether one of the new rogue characters in Hiura’s crew should have pupils. I haven’t drawn her that way so far, but might make that a running change, so that two of them don’t have the same blank eyes.
FWIW, I don’t read Roka’s expression in panel 3 as a smile.
For what it’s worth I don’t see a smile either. 🙂
The transition worked for me. On the previous page we had Roka fade into white and you start this page with an establishing shot in the first panel. Cargo/trash/scrap has been mentioned before and that’s what we see now.
Is there added value to hearing Roka and Ril’s conversation? Is there one? I must admit I was also expecting Ril to come along with Roka as it seemed Aziri invited them both. But I’m fine with Ril declining the offer off panel. It’s better for the flow of the story.