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Bocce’s first two lines here weren’t in the original script. It was just going to be, “Stupid leg” and “sigh.” But I didn’t think all the “kkkkk….click” sound effects would clearly convey what he was actually doing. Hopefully, with the line addition, it’s a little more obvious that he’s just sitting at the console, clicking through different comm channels and getting nothing but static.
It’s definitely tough as a writer/artist sometimes: thinking something is clear to the readers when it’s not, and then also fearing something might not be clear when it is. Given the choice, I guess I err on the side of spelling things out. But I at least try to craft the dialogue so that it seems natural and not like characters are narrating their actions.
The extra panel (available only in the special edition) shows a bored Bocce trying on Cember’s outfits.
The line addition really helped to tell me what Bocce was doing.
At first I thought the kkkkkkkk represented his teeth chattering.
Perhaps static has a little more ‘g’ in it? Like: kkggg…
I really like the facial expressions and the amount of text is just right.
Combined they tell me how Bocce is feeling in a natural way.
It doesn’t feel forced.
I do share your fear Sean, I remember having asked people input about a specific panel in one of my work how for me was pretty clear, most of them said it was hard to get it, so I did alter the panel according critics and comments so those readers will better understand.
Then I got readers emailing me the first version was way more clear to them.
Sometime you just can’t win and most go the way you like it!
Personaly I like this version of your work, it give more sensibility to the character, but this is only my modest opinion.
Cheers.
Dave.