January 4, 2010 - Snow Job Ch 02 Pg 11
Snow Job Ch 02 Pg 11

Snow Job Ch 02 Pg 11

Bocce’s first two lines here weren’t in the original script. It was just going to be, “Stupid leg” and “sigh.” But I didn’t think all the “kkkkk….click” sound effects would clearly convey what he was actually doing. Hopefully, with the line addition, it’s a little more obvious that he’s just sitting at the console, clicking through different comm channels and getting nothing but static.

It’s definitely tough as a writer/artist sometimes: thinking something is clear to the readers when it’s not, and then also fearing something might not be clear when it is. Given the choice, I guess I err on the side of spelling things out. But I at least try to craft the dialogue so that it seems natural and not like characters are narrating their actions.

Discussion (4)¬

  1. Khard12 says:

    The extra panel (available only in the special edition) shows a bored Bocce trying on Cember’s outfits.

  2. Feroz Nazir says:

    The line addition really helped to tell me what Bocce was doing.
    At first I thought the kkkkkkkk represented his teeth chattering.
    Perhaps static has a little more ‘g’ in it? Like: kkggg…

    I really like the facial expressions and the amount of text is just right.
    Combined they tell me how Bocce is feeling in a natural way.
    It doesn’t feel forced.

  3. David Carles says:

    I do share your fear Sean, I remember having asked people input about a specific panel in one of my work how for me was pretty clear, most of them said it was hard to get it, so I did alter the panel according critics and comments so those readers will better understand.

    Then I got readers emailing me the first version was way more clear to them.

    Sometime you just can’t win and most go the way you like it!

    Personaly I like this version of your work, it give more sensibility to the character, but this is only my modest opinion.



  4. Fourth Master says:

    The only logical solution is for Bocce to get a pair of energy legs to go with that nice arm of his. 😉